Those first critical five to 10 words that come out of your mouth have significance. Becoming a better listener presents other challenges that leave us hearing only about 20 percent of what someone says.

Humans hear between 20,000 and 30,000 words during a 24-hour period.   That’s a lot of words to retain in a given day. Our brains shelter us from unnecessary distractions while trying to lock in on those most important words at any given moment.

The typical person speaks around 125 to 175 words a minute. In a 30-minute lecture or discussion, 5,250 words are tossed our way. Of those 5,250 words, you only remember about 1,050 words. The words you  remember depend on the manner in which you receive them. The Latin phrase for this phenomenon is quidquid recipitur ad modum recipientis recipitur. That translates to: Whatever is received is received according to the manner of the receiver.

You become a better listener by adjusting the manner in which you in engage in conversations. Some ways in which we can expand upon that 20 percent include:

Remain fully present in the conversation. Put aside other distractions. Set your phone to airplane mode or leave the phone in another place. Divert your full attention to the person in front of you.

Maintain eye contact. Not the creepy kind of looking into their soul kind of eye contact. Rather, notice their facial expressions. Look for hints of delight or sadness and match their expressions when appropriate.

Notice and use nonverbal cues. Pay attention to your nonverbal cues. Things like crossing your arms can come across as being closed to what the other person says.

Ask open-ended questions to encourage further responses. Sometimes people need to vent. It’s OK to ask at the beginning of a conversation whether the person  expects answers or suggestions or simply wants to talk. Trying to solve someone’s problems when they’re venting is called the righting reflex. It comes from a good place, but could close further channels of communication.

Paraphrase and repeat what’s been said. This adds more clarity to what you’re hearing — as opposed to what they’re saying.

Listen to understand rather than respond. We all can do better in setting aside our responses or judgments until we’re clear about what we’ve been asked. That’s if we’ve even been asked to respond or simply let the person vent.

Increase self-awareness of listening skills. This is all about doing some work on ourselves and practicing to become better listeners.