Comin’ atcha from 35,000 feet today. Yup, I’m doing something I’ve never done before, writing my column as I travel back East for another trip involving, you guessed it, golf with the boys. I suppose it’s now time to say golf with the OGs, cause the enamel length in this group has us looking like a pride of saber tooth tigers.

Not sure if I used pride (meaning group and not sure if it’s used for tigers as well) correctly there. Regardless, other than actual survival and some darned good careers, pride is a term seldom used as we chase the little white ball.

Anyhow, we’ve hit cruising altitude again (always have the up and down into Denver to connect, not much cruising in a 40-minute flight) and soon enough, in under four hours of total flying time, I’ll be back home in Michigan.

Think about that. And yes folks, that routinely happens in America. Sure, it happens in other countries, but not nearly to the extent of the millions who do it daily in the good ‘ol USofA. And that’s with our government working 24/7 trying to screw it up no matter which party is in power. Let’s face it, name the last thing government got involved in that made things better, faster or easier?

After all, all government can actually do is throw money at something or over-regulate it. Travel is no exception at any level, but especially with airlines.

So, as I peck away here on United flight 1877 to Detroit, one thought keeps occurring to me: Damn, it’s really uncomfortable typing on a laptop on my tray table not in its upright position. I know many will say, “Use a tablet, Craig!” But that doesn’t work with an old school curmudgeon who only wants a computer to turn on and peck out a column or Excel file and perhaps scroll aimlessly on Facebook.

Heck, I just want my cell phone to text and call and occasionally find some random fact I feel compelled to look up. Then again, my mailing list is on a 15-year-old laptop still running Microsoft Works.

Don’t mock it, our lives would be incredibly simpler and less anxious if that’s all these darned devices did. So no, I don’t have or want a tablet. This setup will suffice. And my back will recover and alligator arms will once again regain their reach. Besides, the headphones are connected ,and I’m in “do not disturb” mode. Focused, as only I can be.

Really, as normal, things have gone smoothly as they tend to do when I fly. I can really only recall one time I had a flight canceled, and even on that occasion a wonderful, patient employee at the check-in counter still got me to Orlando for my eldest’s dance competition the next morning (it took a red eye) when three others had told me there was no way I could be at Disney before the next evening.

And kudos to those employees who always have made flying such a great experience for me. How many can say that? Then again, I don’t do it for a living. I am sure that has much to do with my perspective. If I only had the same perspective behind the steering wheel. Just understand, even though I must look like a crazed lunatic at times, I’m not talking to myself, I’m talkin’ to YOU. And you don’t listen.

OK, back on topic for the aviation mode of transportation.

I’m convinced all the folks I run into who work for the airlines are freedom lovers who Iove their job (except pilots, they are just off a bit naturally). You’d have to, because all travelers just don’t have the sunny disposition of yours truly. And while you may say you’ve never seen that in me, you have seen them. And to be honest, those who are really hostile are few and far between. Then there are – how can I put this politely? – the clueless.

Stop, you’ve seen them. You know who they are.

Harsh? You tell me. After all, how big does the sign in the overhead need to be to tell us to put your carry-on luggage on their sides when uploading? Admit it, there’s no bigger problem in the airline industry than the curse of the carry-on. You know who these people are. Actually, if government wanted to make a rule that planes must have one carry-on space per passenger, I wouldn’t argue. Then again, I like it when given the option to check my carry-on and be allowed to board earlier. I can get my setup set up.

Again, I’m no pro, but it also isn’t my first rodeo. So, when the main cabin chimed in a little before our departure to say we “had to top off the oil” and will be delayed, I went into my “it’s outta my hands” mode. Because, you know what, it is. I mean, I don’t know where to find the dipstick on an airplane, although my behavioral-therapist observational techniques say it was a guy a few rows ahead.

Anyways, we were informed it would take about 15 minutes to run over some oil. Wait, is GJT’s maintenance shed in Loma? And then a few minutes to “top things off.” OK, so a little delay. I can handle it. But then came this from our pilot: “What usually takes the longest amount of time is the paperwork.”

What? Just when you thought it should be easy for the guy who knows where to pour the oil into the plane should be able to put said oil into the plane and replace the cap and close the hood and with a tap of the tin tell us, “Good to go,” in steps the government.

Because who else would have a paperwork delay for checking the oil?

The rest of us would have signed for the oil, poured it up to the fill line and stored the remainder for another day when it was needed again.

Kinda like we’d do with anything in real life. But not the government. After all, how many bureaucrats does it take to top off your plane with oil? I’m gonna guess at least a half dozen, and that might be just to write the entire procedure.

Even with all that, the delay did not take as long as predicted. I made my connection with ease, will be in Detroit a tad early and my luggage and clubs made the plane. All in all, a good day in the friendly skies.

Now, if we could get these folks to understand the A seat is by the window (like the display shows) and armrests should be shared. That’s for the guy next to me. But once the computer is put up, that won’t matter either. Hope I don’t snore.

I wish you safe and timely travels. Like mine were today.

In Truth and freedom.

Craig Hall is owner and publisher of The Business Times. Reach him at 424-5133 or publisher@thebusinesstimes.com