Notice I didn’t say victory, I said Victor. As in Marx

And yes, I used Marx in the title that way on purpose. Because apparently, Victor Marx just discovered there are real, live – not fictional – folks living on the other side of Galt’s Gulch. And apparently all of the sudden, these same folks actually mean something to the Republican nominee for governor.

By meaning something, I mean potential votes. Hey, if we voted for Boebert and Peters, apparently we’ll vote for anyone. So, you just know Victor felt the need to share his testimony and snake oil with a just discovered, hopeful, unsuspecting crowd just clamoring to touch Victor’s tzitzit. The second coming is indeed strong with this one’s mind. Sadly, we built it, and now he will come.

Yes, this is a column about Victor. And many of you will find it harsh. So will I.

But what else is a father, business owner and renowned (occasionally in his own mind) pundit to do when the second he hears someone speak and his gut insists, “There’s something wrong with this one.”

As a father, you wouldn’t want them around your kids. As a business owner, you wouldn’t want to do business with them. And as a pundit, it’s your job, even a sarcastic sacred duty, to write about it.

Sorry folks, that’s Victor Marx to me. Now, I’ll just wait for my cell to ring with his exorcism-by-phone service. I’m guessing he sees a needy new client.

I don’t want to write this column. I want to like the guy. But since first hearing him speak and announcing his candidacy and then the primary, I never found a reason to. Maybe it just comes down to this: He doesn’t like to be around regular people, and I’ve never cared for folks who don’t care about us regular folks. I certainly don’t vote for them.

But I have been tricked into voting before I knew what I now know. See above.

That said, I realize there’s an argument to be made that Victor is the only vector to beat Phil (none the) Weiser in the general election. I’m hear to tell you, he’s not. I don’t think the republicans had a candidate who could beat the state’s Ambulance Chaser in Chief, who’s only claim to fame is suing companies he already allowed to rake in billions for an agreed upon “settlement” to be budgeted from those profits.

Oh, he also sued the president. A LOT. And let’s face this fact: Colorado is chock full of folks who hate (yes, I don’t like using that word, but it fits perfectly here) President Trump way more than folks recycling Victor’s elixir bottles.

Please note, none of this is a postmortem endorsement of Victor’s main primary opponents: one seemed nice enough who no one knew and the other a bully by proxy given his entourage. In other words, they weren’t gonna beat Nunthawiser either.

And to think I just got a text from a local republican insider talking about republicans and strong candidates, which can only lead to one question: Wheredeyat?

Because a strong candidate that Western Slope (and especially Mesa County Republicans – and former Mesa County Republicans) folks could get behind wouldn’t have to be sold like this, which I read on Facebook:

“The West End is one of the most rural and isolated parts of Colorado. Too often, candidates hear about us from Denver but never come here to meet us, see our country or understand the challenges we face.

“That is why I invited Republican candidate for Governor Victor Marx to the West End.

“He accepted.

“We will show him our beautiful landscape and talk honestly about public lands, natural resources, agriculture, mining, energy and the future of rural Colorado. Most importantly, he is coming here to listen.”

1. First off, what the hell is “The West End?” I’ve been here 26 years in the newspaper business and never heard the term. Second, don’t call us that. Third, maybe that’s one of the reasons people like Victor and Phil don’t care two wits about anyone over here, because we demand to be called something other than Coloradans. Then again, even after 26 years here, many don’t consider me “native,” so it’s a problem for more than just folks on the Western Slope.

The PR material went further into reasons to not vote Victor besides his “campaign promise” to pardon Peters. There’s this ditty:

“This is your chance to meet the Republican candidate for Governor face to face and help him leave with a clear understanding of who we are, what we have endured and why rural Western Colorado matters.”

Color me cynical (yes, many do), but I’m a guy who thinks Marx would have at least had an inkling or two about who we are, what we’ve endured and why rural Western Colorado matters – and not be dumb enough to admit he doesn’t. Hell, even a little about these things on the “West End.” Makes me wonder if the Colorado republican Party knows about any of it.

I’m not writing this because I want to get the local republicans – well, given how the party has treated me whenever I went against the party rulers’ ways, maybe I am a little. And if you want to write in and tell me how wrong I am in all your unique ways, you are welcome to, as always. After all, saying Tina was guilty got me and my kids death threats (guess from which side they came?). But my job is to write my take on things, even the ones you think I shouldn’t wade into.

With that, I’m saying I can’t vote for someone who doesn’t know we exist and needs an invitation to “understand” us and grace us with his presence. And even then, he tends to hide behind a pulpit instead of sitting in a diner. I hope the community center down there can fit all those folks and Victor’s ego. As for the local church given the party’s split, it might be too big.

Hey Victor, finally coming all the way over here and dropping into Nucla to give your testimony before heading off to service in Junction isn’t gonna change much. As my old Lutheran pastors were prone to say, “You’re late for church.”

In Truth and freedom.

Craig Hall is owner and publisher of The Business Times. Reach him at 424-5133 or publisher@thebusinesstimes.com