Remember: No close dancing or making out under the bleachers

Thank you Mark Udall.

Our nation’s collective IQ has been dramatically lowered now that your first original idea since being elected senator is actually being implemented. And here I thought the Democrats just allowed you to present ideas (while doing nothing about them) so you felt good about yourself, all while getting you to vote their way.

Much like almost all of the dances that were held when I was in high school, I have little to no interest in the State of the Union speech.

And as Fellini-esque as these events tend to be, the good Mr. Udall has put a cherry on top of the overflowing, gluttonous, hugely caloric sundae we call our federal government. And all in the name of everyone feeling better. Sad, if it wasn’t so blatantly pathetic.

What’s wrong with a symbolic gesture that makes everyone feel better, Craig?

Well, symbolic gestures to appease the people are about only thing our federal government consistently delivers while continuing its never-ending expansion into the lives of its citizenry. And this date night diversion is what all of these folks want us braying over. What better way to allow them to promote partisan agendas while we’re looking the other way?

Among the many other State of the Union distractions will be platitudes about taking care of all of our problems, creating jobs, lowering the debt, civility, bipartisanship and the boundless amounts of fertilizer the folks in Washington are expert at regurgitating into a sound bite that allows them full credit for nothing they did, all while avoiding blame for everything they do. After all, what does it matter, Mark, especially since you and your date could be voted king and queen?

What’s more disconcerting than the Democrats promoting this makeout session is the fact Republicans are acting like the freshman who gets talked into sneaking away with the senior (who has always ignored them) at the party they weren’t supposed to be at. They naively go simply because they can’t believe they’ve been asked!

If I recall, it wasn’t that long ago it was the Democrats and our president saying that the Republicans need to get out of the way and sit in the back. Republicans were locked out of meetings and not permitted to do anything about the legislation that was being written by Pelosi and her crew while also being told where their place was by a president who summed up his entire attitude in the words of a 5-year-old by saying, “I won.”

And now, after getting their hind ends handed to them in November, the Democrats have the nerve to ask for civility, even to the point of exploiting the tragedy in Arizona. But isn’t that how it always goes with politicians on both sides when there’s backlash from the public?

That’s when we hear the calls for everyone getting along and singing “Kumbaya.” The fact is, the parties need each other to survive and to grow what is in their best interest in terms of jobs and power: the federal government.

So we get the “Ud-all better get along with one another ’cause the folks are onto us” gimmick. And that’s about all we’re going to consistently get from this gang of chameleons. What else would you expect from a bunch of politicians who tear at each others’ throats in the name of partisan politics — right before they go out for drinks and dinner together at the power spots in Washington D.C.? I don’t know about you, but the people that don’t like me and the people I don’t care for are about as likely to invite each other to dinner or a date as often as mouse wants to get invited to share aquarium space with a boa constrictor — and if there was an invite, we’d all know the reason for it.

I don’t know what the state of your union is, but I can tell you we spend a lot of time at the Hall household discussing the economy, jobs, kids and our future. But unlike the folks in D.C., we don’t have the option of using some made-for-TV date to satisfy polls or our own self-worth.

We continue to work on real solutions that have to actually work in the real world.

We don’t have guaranteed jobs, pensions and health care where I live. We have to work to keep our style of life while working around all of the legislation the photo-op seekers in D.C. put in our way.

Republicans would do well to remember their high school days, when the cool kids tried take advantage of the unsuspecting un-cool kids (that is after berating and humiliating them). The first thing they should note is that you never come back from that invite with anything but a reputation — and not a good one.

But maybe that’s the problem in D.C. — they all think they’re the cool kids and worrying about reputations is for the invitee. Sadly for them, but more hopeful for all of us, the American people more and more are coming to the conclusion that almost every one of these folks has earned the reputation they have.

Looks like in 2012, the American people will have to make yet another statement on the state of our union.