That’s because it would be impossible to make a theater joke without it being offensive or sexual in some way. Imagine just how difficult it’s gonna be for an entire column.

Yes, this column is about U.S. Rep. Lauren Boebert and her self-inflicted wound earlier this month at the theater. See? Even while I tried to avoid it, there are gun and Abraham Lincoln bad joke inferences in that line alone. But I lightly tread ahead.

Let me begin with a disclaimer. I know Lauren. I like Lauren. I pretty much like how Lauren has represented us — not in all ways, because that’s impossible. If you agree with any member of Congress 100 percent, you need to rethink your thinking. Every time I’ve chatted with Lauren, it’s been pleasant and friendly — since the day she came into my office to introduce herself before running in our 3rd Congressional District.

Remember: In politics, it doesn’t matter. And in this case in particular, it really doesn’t. But this is what happens when Republicans act like Democrats.

Make no mistake. What Lauren did during her theater debut was wrong, some of it potentially illegal. What she did after is inexcusable and probably beyond recoverable to win re-election. While this column could come back to haunt me  — because plenty of Republicans love to act like Democrats  in playing the “I told you so” game — should Lauren win again, the damage has been done. And for it, the 3rd Congressional District and freedom-loving Americans will suffer.

And it will happen because of Lauren’s own words. While some of you believe this messing around (sorry) has ended, it will come back. With a vengeance. Democrats play hardball, and there’s no better hardball than using someone’s words against them in an election. Lauren has provided all the ammunition Democrats need no matter how many bicycle trips Adam Frisch takes to the storage shed.

Which brings me to my first point defenders are trying here: The moral relativism angle. When will Republicans learn they can’t make a moral relativism argument against Democrats and win. Democrats don’t care if Adam had his affair and, worse, was extorted for it. Democrats don’t care about other Democrats’ behavior or how leftists have been evil around the world. Unless it’s to compare Republicans’ behaviors to those Democrats in an effort for Democrats to become our elected rulers.

Seriously. When was the last time a Republican won an argument, let alone an election, by saying he or she didn’t misbehave or  was bad as a Democrat opponent or Democrats in general?
The only thing you need to know here is Democrat careers are enhanced by bad behavior, and Republican careers are destroyed by it. I can sum it up in four words: Bill and Hillary Clinton.

So take your comparisons about Joe, Hunter, Fetterman, John Kerry, Nancy, Diane, Kamala and your Democrat of choice and toss them aside. Heck, you can even include Donald, Mitch, Tricky Dick (oops, I did it again) and the litany of Republicans for the relativism argument and it still won’t work.

Relativism doesn’t matter. Lauren will get buried by her own words and actions. You remember the Adam bicycle video, don’t you? How do you think this one will fly?

Just go to the theater video, Lauren’s apology note, interview on TMZ and ill-timed letter from her ex-husband to be as all the proof you need. While I’m sure Lauren is embarrassed by her behavior caught on camera — and NO, you can’t blame the camera, this was a theater in Colorado, after all (I know) — the simple fact is this: This is not how a mom of four and grandmother, let alone a member of Congress, behaves in public. Period.

Speaking as an American who’s gone through the difficult end of a divorce, it’s no excuse. While a lot my behavior was unhealthy during and after my divorce, I knew I was doing it. From Lauren’s own apology, it will be quoted how she didn’t recall vaping. This excuse, while also being blamed on her actually having a date, came out AFTER being asked to leave the theater for vaping and worse, is captured on video for all time. Sorry Lauren, you must have known you were vaping. And the actions of your campaign were indeed about “misleading” — although Democrats will say in their ads you LIED to your constituents.

As for the “end of the play” and next time “know the party affiliation of your date” jokes, they don’t work on either side of the aisle. First off, your supporters expected you to properly vet your date (which every little peek into makes it worse) and behave properly to see the entire play. Democrats have you where they want you because of it. And if you were “set up” as is also being claimed, how is that going to help?

Fair or not, Lauren knows she’s been under a microscope and had a target (one last time) on her back since the day she was elected. She also knows pretty much everything I’ve written here. Yet, she did what she did anyway. Her judgment will be judged accordingly.

Craig Hall is owner and publisher of the Business Times. Reach him at 424-5133 or publisher@thebusinesstimes.com