Arrgh: There’s a better way to have your cake, matey

Craig Hall, Publisher
Craig Hall, Publisher

So if it’s Tuesday, we must be in Colorado — and its draconian “public accommodation” laws being forced upon people by the biggest bully on the block: the Colorado Civil Rights Commission (CCRC). And this can only mean one thing in our state: Another attempt to destroy the evil Cap’n Jack Phillips and his rogue pirate ship known as the Masterpiece Cakeshop.

Now the folks at the CCRC would hope you see Phillips as a scoundrel. But Jack isn’t wreaking havoc or being hostile toward anyone. He’s just a merchant plying his trade as he sees fit‚ in port. The real pirates in this scenario are on the good ship CCRC, who literally go port to port looking for plunder with guns blazing with destruction and pillaging of the innocents being damned. And that’s what this latest case against Phillips is, a planned attack on the innocent.

Isn’t that the way government works? Think about your taxes. The pirates create new law after new law to plunder our spoils. People find ways around these confiscation schemes and attacks only to be attacked again. You can apply this scenario and these tactics to every department in our federal government.

I’m not going to get into the identity politics in Jack’s situation for his first time around, nor will I this time around. There’s no winning an argument about this group or that group. But suffice it to say, the port of call Masterpiece Cakeshop sits in seems to be an easy target for the pirates against it. Only this time, the good ship CCRC has to promise to be nice as it plunders and destroys, otherwise it might get overturned by those in control of the pirate code in this country: the appellate courts, who use it more like guidelines.

My main thought on identity politics is simply they’re dangerous. That’s because someone in charge gets to decide which identities get the power of government behind them. Politicians do this by seeking votes through certain identities by promising giveaways and special “rights.” And, yes, this happens on both sides. Next, of course, come all the laws politicians pass based on lobby money given from these groups. Additionally, and worse, if your special group identity can achieve a special status through our politically charged insanity, you, too, can hoist the Jolly Roger of the CCRC and go port to port aplunderin’ anyone you claim to be in violation of your special rights. And you know what that is? Just plain wrong.

My thoughts? If your rights allow you to be the special you that you are, why don’t my rights allow me to that special me that I am? Are those not equal rights under the law with the same constitutional protections? I mean, sure, having equal rights puts the know-it-alls on the CCRC out of a job. But shouldn’t we all just go port to port doing commerce and establishing and developing relationships as we see fit? I just can’t imagine that a cake made or pilfered at the barrel of a gun can taste as good as a cake made at the respect of a beneficial relationship — except to a scalawag.

Here’s the deal folks. There’s no amendment to the Constitution of the United States that gives anyone the right to a cake. That’s it. End of story or argument. Well, unless you’re a pirate elected to office or feel you’re above the law of the land. Then it’s just a matter of going to court to destroy someone who thinks differently than you. Because that’s what a nation of laws does anymore, make and create so many laws no law-abiding citizen can abide. I mean, Jack Phillips is being destroyed because of the opinion of a few folks on a panel who value some identities above his. As a country, we’re allowing this — and in some circles actually celebrating it? When one pirate ship goes down based on a lucky cannonball to its munitions (in Jack’s case because the pirates were hostile—imagine that) there’s always another leaving port to hold a captain’s mast as it sees fit.

Honestly, I’ve never liked the “freedom of religion” defense in the Masterpiece case because it requires proof on Jack’s part of a “deeply held religious belief.” Let’s be honest, most of the folks on the bad ship CCRC wouldn’t know one if they had one. And for the kinds they might have, surely they can find an element of Jack’s life where they could determine Jack doesn’t always have them. In other words, they just need to find one area of Jack’s life where they think he’s out of step with his deeply held beliefs to show he’s not consistent, and then be polite when ruining his life’s work. The fact is, the government should be defending Jack, not persecuting him. The government should be sinking every Jolly Roger-bearing CCRC ship.

Put succinctly: Jack’s stuff is Jack’s stuff. It isn’t your stuff. It isn’t my stuff. And it isn’t the CCRC’s stuff. Jack’s religion — and anything he thinks, earns and owns — is his stuff as well.

And it shouldn’t be pirated away from him. It’s time to stop pillaging and start protecting.

One Response to "Arrgh: There’s a better way to have your cake, matey"

  1. A person too   August 22, 2018 at 9:07 am

    Public accommodations are not allowed to discriminate. If you take advantage of the public marketplace, you must serve the public and cannot treat people differently based on sex or gender identity. That’s the law. If you don’t like the law, change it. Don’t argue your religious beliefs trump democracy.